The Wide, Wide World of Tedium
Holy cats! They’re actually broadcasting the Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee on ESPN! (At least according to Deadspin.)
That’s gonna be like watching mold grow on those containers of semi-identifiable foodstuffs in your fridge!
Unless, of course, you have a stake in the proceedings. Such as your kid is participating. Then it’s merely hours of boredom punctuated by bursts of sheer terror. Like war. Except without the chance of being blown to bits. Unless you’re homeschoolers, in which case you risk being taken out by an NEA hit squad.
I feel entitled to make fun of broadcasting the National Spelling Bee, inasmuch as I was in it in 1968.
After several years as a perennial contender, I finally won the Mordor
The practice round went swimmingly for me. Too bad it didn’t count.
Then came the first round. The first - flippin’ - round. My turn comes, I step up, and they give me my first word. And I confidently sing out, “E-M-O-R-Y.”
Unfortunately that’s a university. A “fine-grained impure corundum used for grinding and polishing” is E-M-E-R-Y.
Ding! “You … lose.”
On a five letter word. A Five. Letter. Word.
It was official. I totally sucked.
Fortunately, I was able to recover from my humiliation after only a couple of decades spent as an anonymous yak herder in
And that’s the story of my Secret Shame. Which, sadly, was headline news at the time, back in Burque. Nothing feeds the adolescent ego, I assure you, like sucking in the newspaper.