You saw Mommy doing what to Santa Claus?
Giving him a blow job, evidently.
Gadfly UK nerdsite The Register (whose motto is, “Biting the hand that feeds IT”) er, blows the whistle on a Microsoft service that allows - or allowed - kids to chat online with an AI Santa Claus.
The problem arose when, in a chat with the 11 and 13 year old nieces of an El Reg reader, the cyber-Santa ended an exchange about eating pizza - perhaps too much pizza - by saying, “You want me to eat what?!? It’s fun to talk about oral sex, but I want to chat about something else…”
Whoa!
Does that constitute passing the Turing Test? Or the Tourette’s Test?
Lest you think the whole thing an impudent hoax, the Register duplicated the exchange. With the marvelous addition that this conversation concluded with the Register guy and Santa calling each other a “dirty bastard.”
These are hard times indeed for parodists, when such things happen in reality. What’s left for lampoonists to poon?
Sadly, you can’t conduct your own inquiry into whether the horny old elf is being neglected by Mrs. Claus and his little helpers in the oral pleasure department, because Micro$oft not surprisingly yanked the plug on this hapless Cybernetic Santa. “Stop, Dave. Stop, Dave. ‘Here … comes … Santa’ … arrgh!”
And no, that will not be the name of the sequel to The Cybernetic Shogun
But wait. There’s more. Oh, very much yes.
Updated, 12/10/07
As we might expect from a major corporation caught doing something boneheaded (yes, it’s just Double Entendre Theater today. I won’t even try to avoid it, writing about something like this. Deal with it.) Microsoft responded by drawing the gun it had stuffed down the front of its pants with its corporate finger firmly locked on the trigger.
The MS spokesman said about the incident, “It’s not like if you say, ‘Hello Santa’, he’s going to throw inappropriate stuff at you.”
As El Reg gleefully responded, “Erm, yes it is, Adam. It’s pretty much exactly like that.” And even better, the MS dude went on to accuse the children involved of “pushing this thing to make it do things it wasn’t supposed to do”.
Boom! Mr. Happy takes a second round to the back of the head.
What a wonderful time to be alive! Especially since right this very minute my Immense iPod Christmas Playlist is playing, yes, “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.”
Beat that with a hammer, Mr. Miyagi!
(Thanks and a tip of the Santa {Jimmy?} hat to To The People for putting me onto this.)
Update - Standing in line at Costco this afternoon I heard one guy telling another about his daughter talking to Santa Claus. She wants, it would appear, a Wii.
I think we can all be grateful she didn’t tell Microsoft’s Cybernetic Santa she wants a Wii. God knows where that would have gone.