The All-Star Break is upon us in baseball, and tonight for electronic wallpaper I have on the Home-Run Derby. While I love baseball I’m not terribly interested in the Home-Run Derby, except inasmuch as it means ESPN is finally going to stop running its terrifying station [...]]]> Bastille Day. There’s a holiday we can still get behind.

The All-Star Break is upon us in baseball, and tonight for electronic wallpaper I have on the Home-Run Derby. While I love baseball I’m not terribly interested in the Home-Run Derby, except inasmuch as it means ESPN is finally going to stop running its terrifying station promo for the event. Supposedly spoken by Yankee Stadium, it sounds way too much like Dr. Girlfriend from The Venture Brothers begging for bukkake: “Squirt your line drives all over my bleachers! Festoon my façade with your home-run balls! Cover me with your powerful white blasts!”

Okay, that’s not what it actually says. But it might as well be. Creepy.

(Hey, do I know Search Engine Optimization, or what? Of course it will backfire. The Spiders from Google will be all, “Whoa! Bukkake! I’m so there!” and then they’ll be all, “Hey! There’s no bukkake anywhere on this blog! What a rip!” and then they’ll sink me tracelessly in the search-result rankings in retribution. But this’ll still doubtless be the single most-viewed post in site history while the moment lasts.)

Anyway. Dragging a bit today yet. Maybe I can get to sleep at a decent hour tonight…